When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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