Sorry, I don't speak sober.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize