i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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