this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
