Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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