Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
