Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
