zippers are such a cool invention
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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