...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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