i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
