Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
