that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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