in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
