What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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