am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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