ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
