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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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