I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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