Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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