we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
