you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
