fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
