shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize