If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
