dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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