I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
