Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I love you.
Bad choice
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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