My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
