I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
