take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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