My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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