i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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