I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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