New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
