New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while Iām driving down the highway
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
