Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
