Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
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He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
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