That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
