sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
