naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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