it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
