I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
cat food counts as protein by the way
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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