the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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