and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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