Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
