Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
