you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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