I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize