and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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