Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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