Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
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