who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
As shirtless as possible
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
