I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
