is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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