Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
