if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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