omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
