K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
a search helicopter?!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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