My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
