I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
