Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
