I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
