Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You dont lie about slip and slides
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
