So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
