Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
