Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
