nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
