Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
