so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
