Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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