idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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