im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
