I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
