It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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