I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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