I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
