explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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