dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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