Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Randomize
