he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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