the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
