shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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