I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
