I hate your face
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad