dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.