remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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