Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(905): View more from Toronto

just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.

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(905): just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped. http://tfl.nu/8nmk

Replies (35) Good night (1115) Bad night (10295)
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(989): View more from Michigan

i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.

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(989): i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today. http://tfl.nu/t5a7

Replies (13) Good night (1074) Bad night (3890)
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(302): View more from Delaware

because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.

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(302): because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride. http://tfl.nu/wwvv

Replies (10) Good night (1182) Bad night (3829)
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(562): View more from California

bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.

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(562): bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea. http://tfl.nu/kow3

Replies (10) Good night (2678) Bad night (1141)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom

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(847): I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom http://tfl.nu/peqw

Replies (8) Good night (1331) Bad night (2235)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.

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(508): I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again. http://tfl.nu/jeja

Replies (4) Good night (1203) Bad night (3089)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose

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(412): Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose http://tfl.nu/1rcv

Replies (9) Good night (3185) Bad night (785)
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(480): View more from Arizona

Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.

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(480): Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT. http://tfl.nu/l2cm

Replies (8) Good night (2023) Bad night (624)
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(614): View more from Ohio

God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.

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(614): God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend. http://tfl.nu/1ak5

Replies (9) Good night (1745) Bad night (764)
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(760): View more from California

so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.

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(760): so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up. http://tfl.nu/rvmx

Replies (6) Good night (1242) Bad night (648)
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(813): View more from Florida

People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?

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(813): People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits? http://tfl.nu/du6g

Replies (6) Good night (3190) Bad night (704)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.

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(814): I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win. http://tfl.nu/livq

Replies (8) Good night (868) Bad night (462)
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(519): View more from Ontario

I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me

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(519): I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me http://tfl.nu/9pcd

Replies (2) Good night (273) Bad night (352)
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(763): View more from Minnesota

Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?

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(763): Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/l6gg

Replies (0) Good night (367) Bad night (292)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.

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(314): Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree. http://tfl.nu/qbkd

Replies (0) Good night (678) Bad night (236)

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