we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just blew my weed a kiss
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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