I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.