my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I lost the right to judge tonight
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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